How to talk to TERFs
Countering hate and bigotry with love, inclusivity and out-and-out brilliance
In this article guest author Mammalian has scoured the internet, social media, popular media, academic journals and real-life situations for the smartest, the most intellectually rigorous, the bravest and the most irrefutable, best-of-breed responses to hateful nazi-aligned TERF arguments. The cream rose to the top! Here, in beautiful clarity, Mammalian has synthesised her findings into a template for how to answer the most common TERF attacks. It includes profound arguments from the very best trans and ally thinkers. So if you’re ever stuck for words when you’re struck by what appears to be common sense and good politics (but you know it’s actually evil) coming out of a TERF’s mouth, don’t panic, keep our guide close, the answer will be in here! We think Mammalian might just help you bring reluctant friends and whānau across to the #rightsideofhistory #bekind.
TERFs’ words are harmful and hateful and make trans and queer people feel unsafe. The kind and inclusive thing to do is to make sure no one ever has to hear what they say. But sometimes, despite your best efforts to stop their harmful messaging, TERFs manage to say something in public. If this happens, it’s really important that you immediately counter their hateful exclusionary talk with loving, inclusive talk. TERFs have views on a wide range of issues, but the few examples below should serve to illustrate the general strategy to use. Be warned: You may need to repeat the conversation frequently! Sometimes it just takes good people a while to see the bloody obvious.
Exemplars:
When a TERF says: Biological sex matters sometimes because of the physical differences between men and women.
You say: Transwomen are women!
When a TERF says: But men are on average faster and stronger than women, and this is why we have always had sports separated by sex.
You say: Excluding transwomen from sports is transphobic!
When a TERF says: It’s not transphobic, it’s just not fair for girls and women to have to compete against boys and men.
You say: Banning transwomen from sport is transphobic, bigoted and hateful! Sport should be inclusive!
When a TERF says: We don’t want to “ban transwomen from sports”, we just think they should compete against people of their own biological sex. They are “trans” women because they are biologically male, right?
You say: Transwomen are women! So long as they reduce their testosterone levels, transwomen are in every other way the same as biological women, and fairness dictates they compete in the category they identify with.
When a TERF says: I disagree.
You say: Fascist! Transphobe!
When a TERF says: What? I am not a fascist! As it happens, I am a liberal leftie who has fought for a range of social justice causes. I just think it is unfair for my granddaughter to have to compete against a male because males are, on average, stronger and faster than females. Girls need to feel they’ll get a fair go too!
You say: TERF!! TERF!!
When a TERF says: Mate, that’s a bit unhinged. But now we are talking, I also worry that kids who have mental health issues, or who are struggling with their sexuality in a homophobic world, are being told that they might be “born in the wrong body”. And the solution offered is for them to take puberty blockers that stop the natural and very important process of puberty. I’m kind of sketchy about that.
You say: To deny kids access to puberty blockers and to gender affirming treatment is to literally cause them to commit suicide. Trans rights are human rights!
When a TERF says: Of course I agree that trans people have human rights. That’s the point of human rights – they should be available to all humans.
You say: Trans rights are human rights! You want to deny transpeople their human rights!
When a TERF says: OK, I understand some adults will feel better after they get hormone treatment and surgery so that they can live as the other sex. But we should not be using powerful and untested drugs on confused and often mentally unwell kids. There’s growing evidence that these drugs do irreversible damage to kids. I think we need to think more about this and work out the best way to deal with the huge increase in kids who are identifying as trans.
You say: Right wing Christian fascist!!! TERF! Trans people are the most marginalised and oppressed people in the world and your words are literally causing a TRANS GENOCIDE.
When a TERF says: What the hell? I care about kids’ welfare! I’ve got kids of my own and they are the most important thing in the world to me! I just think we should be cautious about giving young kids the idea that they can actually become the other sex when they can’t.
You say: If you really cared about kids, you’d let them decide whether they are a boy or a girl instead of imposing your gender binary on them. You are causing huge pain to the most vulnerable group in society. How can you be so cruel? Have some compassion!
When a TERF says: You can’t ‘decide’ whether you are a boy or a girl. That is determined by what kind of body you have.
You say: What determines if you are a boy or a girl, man or women, is how you feel on the inside. To say otherwise is transphobic and totally TERFy. It is essentialist to say people’s bodies affect whether they are male or female.
When a TERF says: I disagree. I think everyone is born with a sexed body. Boys can be effeminate and girls can be butch, but that doesn’t make them members of the opposite sex. It just means we need to enlarge our understanding of what it means to be a boy or a girl, man or a woman. We don’t have to put kids on cross-sex hormones and cut off their breasts or penises to let them feel like they can be their authentic selves.
You say: You don’t understand what it is like to feel that you are in the wrong body, because you have cis privilege. Trans women understand the patriarchy even better than ciswomen because they are even more oppressed than ciswomen. Your hateful rhetoric makes their lives even more difficult than they already are. Just leave them alone already TERF.
When a TERF says: Well, we are going to have to agree to disagree. And, in fact, I agree that transwomen have been discriminated against in society and, as a woman who has faced sex-based violence and discrimination as well, I sympathise with transwomen. I strongly believe they shouldn’t face either violence or discrimination in society.
You say: Yes, thank you, transwomen are women!
When a TERF says: No, I didn’t say that. I said I support their right to a dignified life free from violence and discrimination. I still don’t think they are women.
You say: You are denying trans people exist!! This is literal genocide! You want trans kids dead! TERF!!
When a TERF says: For god’s sake!! I am not denying anyone exists! Of COURSE trans people exist. And to say I want any kid dead is a hysterical and horrible accusation. Stop telling trans kids we want them dead! It’s really cruel to make these kids think there’s a bunch of women who want them dead. I want all kids to live good lives. And I think that means we should look after them, and not test drugs on them or cut their body parts off. That’s just my opinion.
You say: TERF! Fascist, neo-colonial white supremacist Nazi hate bigot!!!
When a TERF says: I’m not a Nazi or a fascist. Stop calling me names and perhaps engage with my actual arguments and points.
You say: You don’t get to debate my existence! I am not an academic debate! Trans people exist! Trans people have always existed. Christian homophobic right-wing Nazi TERF!
When a TERF says: Omg. I’m actually an atheist, and, as I already said, I am not debating your existence. Obviously you exist or I wouldn’t be talking with you. I am just trying to say women and girls have some specific needs of their own, and that we should be really sure that we are looking after our vulnerable teens. Also, quite a few of us TERFs are lesbian, so please don’t call us homophobic.
How come you get to call me every name under the sun, and I can’t even say the words “women” or “girls” any more without those words also including men and boys?
You say: Christian, homophobic right-wing Nazi hateful bigot-TERF! Try being kind for once in your fucking life!
We know that many of you have already developed your own set of answers close to these. Great minds think alike but it is puzzling, despite this, that TERFISM appears to be growing. You must go harder! It’s the only kind thing to do. Thank you all for your brave work.
Someone needs to redo all those Beach Boys surfing songs.
Wow this is "wet my pants" level of funny! Thanks for encapsulating and entire argument in so few words.